I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize