I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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