I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Too much gin, very little bucket
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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