I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
