38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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