Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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