i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
