If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
