Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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