So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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