I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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