nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
