Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
