he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
