we have officially lost it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
