had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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