You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
