I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
