i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
