My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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