I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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