Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
