Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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