WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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