I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
