i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize