Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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