i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
