Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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