You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Soap is not a condiment
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
