I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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