i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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