Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
