So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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