I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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