Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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