i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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