Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
