Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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