It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
