what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
