Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
