Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
