i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
