Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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