i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
