Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
