oh god the rape fog is back!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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