Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
