i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hippo gnu deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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