remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
