No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
