I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
