The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
