i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
