My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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