1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
