i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
