It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
