Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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