Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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