There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
