Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
