Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
