I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
