i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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