the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
