And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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