carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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