apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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