My room smells like vodka and shame
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
