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• (734): View more from Michigan

  hey call me

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can't. in the shower.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  We're knee deep in HJ's right now.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

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• (562): View more from California

  Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have cats now. Five of them.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Have you considered starting a global domination firm?

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