Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
