And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
