Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
