My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
