is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
